Bonnie’s Story…

I believe some of our stories should be kept private and not public. I share the following bits because if you are reading this, then I would like for you to know why I believe in the study of self. I believe my most important work stems from my research, and to me it is the accomplishment of the Marriage Sustainment Act™. I am extremely passionate about this work. I feel it in my veins.

Much of my work requires one to take a look at our deepest selves, and this can be hard because it can stir unhealed emotion. But, when you arrive on the “witness side” you get a different kind of vision. You “see” self. I created a system that is designed to help you discover “self” quickly, and at times in an artful manner. I want to share this because I think it can be a life changer for many.

The following bits of my life story may explain why I do what I do. These days, it’s all about working in the arts and literary works. The good thing is, the study of self can be surprisingly rewarding. It’s great to know your truly best friend. I have several licenses and certifications however, I think my certification and education on the science backed study of person-place was most helpful for my recent work because it is based on individual uniqueness.

I am a very spiritual person. I love my arts. I like to do things different. I love yoga, nature, and I am passionate about my work. My adult children mean the world to me. I thank my husband of over 34 years for all the less than boring experiences we have shared. I might not have enjoyed all, but I have a lot of stories! We all may know, our life experiences are what shapes us. For sure, my intimate life is what has made me be the person I am today.

People ask, “What brought you to write your marriage books?”

I might say, “Have you met my husband?” but my work is not about my husband, or my marriage. I think it is about a very deep passion inside me to help people not experience unnecessary hardship, and also to share how important it is to protect your inner self identity. Especially important in marriage, I believe it is critical not to loose sight of personal responsibility to yourself for the things that are important too you–and to protect these beliefs and values.

I feel like my life experiences has brought me to this pinnacle point. I have trademarked my passion to help people find their true beautiful self. The Marriage Sustainment Act™ is not about getting people to stay married. It is about being aware of the science, and the existing knowledge to help us understand relationship complexities quickly, and to have easy access to learn what to know for sharing a life partnership. We all get a suitcase in life, sometimes we get to choose what goes in it. It is nice to be more aware of our packing as life progresses. There is so much to learn about our “self” and this information is very helpful for how we perceive and relate to others.

When I was three, my mother took me to Arizona as she was starting her new life divorced from my father. I remember, or at least in my mind I remember looking out from my bedroom window of our two story home and seeing my mom get in a car and leave. But this must be incorrect because she took me with her. Her plan was that my two older brothers would join us when school was out. I am told when I was in Arizona, I cried daddy and was picked up by my father. We did not go to Arizona when school finished.

My father raised me. He loved me. He told me I was beautiful. I remember when I was about 16, he looked into my eyes, held my chin up and told the neighbor standing next to us…look how beautiful she is. To this day I feel beautiful, but I think beauty is within. I think we are all beautiful and have specialness about our uniqueness. We are all unique and that is so interesting to me.

I remember, when I was a little girl— less than five years old, I would feed the ducks on the river. I recall one day, it was just us…..I was sitting with dads lady friend, it was just her and me having tunafish with onions…..she said, “just try it”. I still love tuna with onions, and think about the table in the park setting eating tunafish with her every time I have a tuna sandwich. I think we all have an early memories that we just seem to go back to. This memory of Deidra reminds me of a few things. The oddness of being with a new lady, how lovely an outdoor picnic can be, and giving something new a chance… “just try it”.

My oldest brother is a retarded deaf mute. I remember he was very strong. He never hurt me, but I needed to protect myself and be aware that he was unaware of his strength. I was very young. I remember driving out to the country to visit him because he was later put into an institution. The entrance was a glassed off area and behind the locked doors was the visiting area and community space. What I saw is stamped in my memory— green walls, and a room filled with about 30 adult retarded men all half dressed and some in adult diapers. The men made weird noises, and movements, and it felt like it smelled less than fresh. The sleeping space was nearby and I could see the beds all lined up in a dorm room setting. I can still remember the loud institutional heavy metal doors slamming when closing. It was a very gloomy experience. This brings me to listening.

To listen, and to be heard, and understood is such a blessing and so very often taken for granted how important it is. Healthy communication for some people is sometimes just so hard to do. It was one of my biggest challenges in my life—communicating with, and between my husband and my father—being in-between their differences and beliefs. There was a time when they were so close most people thought my husband was the son. I suffered a heartbreak over and over again, and never made progress trying to fix the brokenness between such significant male figures in my life. Deep down inside I knew they still loved each other, but they were never going to let go of their beliefs. I witnessed in the most remarkable way that deafness and retardation is not a choice, but to not listen, communicate effectively, or have empathy or care for another persons feelings or emotions, to stonewall or behave selfishly, are all mostly choices and not retardation. Sometimes the autonomic nervous system is very strong and we just act before we think, but we can train ourselves….because we are not retarded. People can learn skills and simply just try…..more. We don’t particularly say retarded anymore, we say mental. But, stonewalling or avoidance can feel like retardation because we know it can be better—but it seems to retard is chosen. Is it chosen?

By the time I was twelve, I experienced having four mothers. Women moving in and out with their children. I remember when I was in third grade, Joan set my hair in curlers for my 3rd grade school pictures… Joan had my Dads baby—being the second child they had together. I recall her being loud and drunk a couple times. My memory is that she only lived with us for a short time.

Later, a different Joan moved in. Her three kids were about the same age as me and my two older brothers. It was like the Brady bunch. I have a photo of her. She wrote on the back “Bonnie I will always love you”. I recall her kids didn’t live with us anymore and I remember her listening to Elvis Presley, sitting on the floor. I think later she took off with my “step” uncle and I never saw either of them again.

In the summers, my Dad would bring me along with my brothers to work—he was in the tree business. I would ride on the back of the truck, pull hoses, and pick up branches. I would watch as they cut lumber in the winter for firewood. In the spring my dad grew huge buckets of tomatoes. These are great memories for me, working with my Dad and brothers. Later, he would take us on the boat at full moon nights, and we would go crabbing and fishing.

When I was twelve, I remember going to my fathers new girl friend’s house. It was huge with a gym sized entertainment room with gorgeous wood floors. Janette told me the story about the man she fell in love with. He was murdered; stabbed and dragged out of the house to the front yard by her ex-husband. I remember standing in her vacant empty bedroom with nothing left in the room except seeing a mink coat in the closet, and blood on the walls as she told me the story. Later, she and her four younger boys moved in with us. I was the only girl of seven kids, and was in the middle of the ages. I loved Janette, and still do. She taught me many things. She was very beautiful too. But she and my Dad had some terrible fights. They later divorced.

I always worked in my youth. I painted rental houses for my Dad, answered the business phone after school and took messages. I helped with the books and billing sitting together with my Dad. I remember the customer accounting system in the black composition books.

I moved out and went on my own at the age of eighteen—right after high school graduation.
In a way, my father groomed me to be a business woman. My brothers opened their own tree businesses. I received my New York Cosmetology license in a special trade program in high school. I was a waitress for several years. One job I had to be there at 5 am. I took the train into New York City and got certified as a make-up specialist. I was also recruited by Richard, the owner of Pretty People and Company in New York and became a part of the firms model agency headsheet. I preferred the make-up business and took a job working with a very large modeling agency on Long Island. I sold Jerome Alexander makeup and was a precision hair cutter. I started my own little business working with brides.

And then, was I was nineteen I met my husband Damien and fell in love with him. He was from the City. He stole my heart when he told me he was an orphan. His mother passed, and his father took him and his brothers to the Catholic charities, left them–they became wards of the state. HIs mother before getting married and having eleven kids was a Nun living in the convent. His father was a professional dancer and dance teacher. When I met my husband, I recall thinking, this guy will always love me. We dated five years before moving to Florida together, and married.

My brother was my husbands best man at our wedding. My husband also became close with my father. They spent a lot of time together. Business ruined those relationships. Each relationship had its own dispute beyond my control. It was especially hard to be in the middle of my husband and my father, and also, my husband and my most protective brother. It tore me apart for a good part of twenty years.

My husband and I became business partners from the beginning. I opened a Modeling agency in Sebastian, Florida. I casted the extras for a movie, and had many large shows. I crowned the first Miss Sebastian! We also became real estate business partners with Greg, a retired Army sergeant and a bit of a chauvinistic man. It was hard for me. Maybe he didn’t like a female wearing a tie in a suit, but I liked ties. After the mandatory real estate agent requirements, I continued my education and got licensed as a Broker, and shortly after I received Graduate Realtor Institute designation. I was a top seller in our town, and in the county. It was easy for me, and I loved selling real estate. My best year I closed almost 400 sides to sales, 198 closings. I had 32 closings in my best month. Even though Greg documented the escrows, he would never acknowledge all my sales. No other agent had nearly that many sales. We had an ERA franchise. Later, we bought Greg out and I did most of the training and office management. I was on the legal committee at the Board of Realtors and I also was the newsletter editor for the Women’s Realtor Council. I did a legal speech once in front of three hundred agents. I was one of the youngest Realtors. We started buying and selling a lot of real estate.. We bought most our properties on credit cards, owner financing and even used our commissions for down payments. Later we had so many loans. Soon after, we added five more businesses—bars and restaurants. My husband ran those because I did not want to be in the bar business. and I took care of much of the paperwork and I ran the laundromat we bought. To my customers amazement, I used to pull out my tools and fix the large machines. I had a 5 gallon bucket filled with notes people would leave me telling me I had the most beautiful laundromat on the coast. I used to wheel all my money into the bank. There were so many quarters and one dollar bills I had to use a cart and have a special attendant.

In 2014, I got certified in Pyramid Feng Shui with NanciLee. I sat in her kitchen as she would teach me parts of the 18 month program. I almost got kicked out of the program because it took me so long to include it in my already packed schedule. When I finally committed to getting the certification, I did the entire program in two weeks and aced the exam. I designed a 6500 square foot Feng Shui house plan, and also designed a Feng Shui Commercial Interior Designer Step by Step Instruction Handbook. I use this special training for my Bride work, and probably everything I do.

We raised three beautiful children. Fortunately, even with all the business we were managing, we still had plenty of time to be with our kids. We never missed a school function, and our kids went everywhere with us. They are all engineers now.

I am very passionate about the bond of marriage, but it was not easy because even though we did all that business my husband and I did not agree. This is one reason why I started the Marriage Sustainment Act ™. I feel if you are going to be married than you need to know how to be happy in marriage and enjoy your life. You can’t get lost or give up your loyalty to self. Responsibilities get enormous, but still your core values should be respected. You just need to know what they are and what those are of your spouse. You need to know each other, respect each other, and really care about each other. You need to know when to sacrifice and when to protect and save each other. Knowing the deep core values, love can always win. But if you wait till its to late, that might be a different story. I also feel there are some legal things that are not in our laws to protect each individual rights and fair decision making in marriage. Things you don’t know could happen when in a young relationship until they do.

It was overwhelming doing all these businesses responsibilities, and raising young children. To make it harder my husband was in the bar business. I disliked the bar business, I was more interested in church. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2001, and it took me down. I couldn’t think straight and became unorganized. Everything became a mess. Then hurricanes wiped us out and mortgages started to fail. We started to loose everything we worked for. Then I had several auto accidents and a bad fall on a cruise ship. I kept pushing myself through. I learned a lot about health and wellness, yoga and spirituality.

I was always protective of women. Celebrating International Women’s Day was a big thing for me. In 2009, I started Womenspath, a social entrepreneurship. I worked on an Aides project–the CCR5 women’s group, and had belonged to many other groups over time. I started research on marriage and got hooked. I continued to spend many years devoting all my available time to writing and study. To get a break and have some time for myself, I went to classes at night at the Vero Beach Museum of Art and became a potter.

On January. 4, 2018 I was in a bad auto wreck—a head-on collision at 55 miles per hour. I ended up with a plate and 7 screws in my wrist and arm. I spent eight months in therapy and could not drive for five full months. My dominant hand got stuck in a claw position. I remember typing my 300 page book with one finger on my left hand. Pottery became difficult, and I started painting, and later sculpting. I feel blessed in my arts, and I use my art to bring awareness to the dire needs of marriage education. Finding there is no real structure, I developed programs and wrote books to help people in marriage. My work is about the study of self and significant other for marriage success.

There is so much to know, and I wish I knew this system when I was just starting out. Marriage is the foundation of future humanity. I love life and love nature, and love my work, I love my adult children, and I love my husband. Love is not easy, especially when we have so much junk to get rid of. This is my passion. I hope the next generation just loves.